People wear black to funerals as a sign of respect for the deceased. The custom began with the ancient Romans. And then became more popular during the Victorian age when Queen Victoria mourned her husband. We continue the custom today to show our solidarity in mourning.
Why Do People Wear Black To Funerals?
Wearing black clothing at funerals is a long-held tradition to show respect for the deceased. During a period of heavy mourning, a person may wear all black clothing for a month. Since some cultures also wear white in mourning, how do you know the proper attire? In Western cultures, black is always a solid choice for funerals.
Ancient Romans Wore Black During Mourning
Our current custom of wearing black during mourning dates back to ancient Romans. They normally wore white togas but switched to black ones after the death of a family member. These dark-colored wool togas symbolized the death and mourning period.
When Did Wearing Black To Funerals Become Popular?
The United Kingdom’s Queen Victoria popularized the wearing of black during mourning after the death of her husband, Prince Albert in 1861. She continued wearing black for the rest of her life, another 40 years.
While Queen Victoria certainly took the mourning period to an extreme, people still followed her example in wearing black to funerals. Victorian women often wore black clothing for four years after the death of a close family member. However, they did incorporate purple after a year.
Over time, wearing black to funerals and in mourning became more than just a popular fashion statement and instead became something of a societal norm.
Is Wearing Black to Funerals The Best Choice?
You can’t go wrong wearing black to funerals because it’s a safe choice. Black clothing is understated simplicity. It doesn’t upstage the family members of the deceased. Nor does it detract from the purpose of the funeral, which is to celebrate and mourn the departed.
Wearing black also takes the pressure off those attending funerals, because it gives you one less thing to think about. Not having to worry about a clothing choice means you can focus on the deceased and the funeral itself, rather than on what to wear.
Attendance at some funerals may actually require you to wear black. For example, state or official funerals are much more formal affairs than that of an elderly grandparent. I don’t see black clothing ever not being a part of formal functions.
What Not To Wear To A Funeral
The most important thing to remember when selecting your clothing for a funeral is that it’s not about you. It’s okay to look fashionable, but you want to wear clothing that won’t detract from the reason for the funeral: the deceased.
Choose clothing that won’t draw attention to you. Here’s a quick list of what not to wear:
- No miniskirts
- No blouses showing a lot of cleavage
- No open-toe shoes, sandals, or old sneakers
- No sweat pants or hoodies
- No loud or flashy prints
- No bright colors
- No ripped jeans
- No T-shirts
Can You Wear Gray Instead Of Black To Funerals?
You can absolutely wear gray instead of black to funerals. Darker shades of gray are often more acceptable than lighter ones. Since there are so many details when a death occurs, make selecting your funeral outfit easy by wearing something from your closet.
Gray, like black, exudes understated elegance. It is simple and won’t draw unnecessary attention to you. A gray skirt, white shirt, and gray sweater or shawl make a perfect ensemble for a woman to wear to a funeral.
Men and children can also wear gray to funerals. A gray suit with a white shirt is appropriate for all but the most formal funerals.
Colors To Wear To A Funeral Besides Black
The main thing to consider when selecting clothes to attend a funeral is the wishes of the deceased’s family. If the family would like everyone to wear tye-dye shirts because Dad was a huge Grateful Dead fan, then by all means wear tye-dye.
Click this link for suggestions on what to wear to a Celebration of Life.
In addition to black, you can wear almost any dark-colored clothing to funerals. For instance, dark gray and navy blue colors are as acceptable as wearing black. Other acceptable color choices include eggplant or deep purples, maroon, dark brown, and lighter gray.
Most any solid dark color is acceptable to wear to a funeral. Patterned fabrics should be limited to subtle hues, as bold or flashy patterns detract from the sober air of mourning.
Is Black The Only Color Associated With Mourning?
Different cultures choose different colors for mourning. For example, you know that here in the West, we wear black. However, white, yellow, purple, and even red are also colors of mourning.
White symbolizes purity and rebirth, so it is a popular mourning color for East Asian cultures, where Buddhism thrives.
Purple is a color associated with spirituality. Brazilian Catholics wear purple and black to funerals. In Thailand, purple is worn by widows in mourning, while other family members and funeral attendees wear black.
Yellow or gold as a mourning color stems from ancient Egyptian times. Gold represented eternal life, as did the Egyptian god Ra. His flesh was said to be made of gold making him indestructible and thus everlasting.
Finally, South Africans often wear red as a color of mourning. It symbolizes bloodshed and has been the color of choice since the Apartheid era from 1948 to the 1990s.
The colors observed in mourning symbolize for the wearer an ongoing connection to the deceased. As a widow, Queen Victoria wore black until her death when she asked for a white lace cloth to cover her face. Mourning takes different forms but still serves as a bond between us and those who have gone before.
What Should A Woman Wear To A Funeral?
Black and conservative clothing that covers you up is the best choice for a woman to wear to a funeral. Remember what I mentioned earlier, that this event is not about you.
So don’t wear clothing that attracts attention to you. Instead, choose simple and elegant dark clothing. A modest black dress is a very popular option.
Along the same lines, natural makeup colors are better for a funeral than bright colors. And the same goes for jewelry. It’s okay to wear but go for understated jewels rather than bold colors.
Great choices for a woman to wear to a funeral are:
- Black or Dark Dress
- Black or Dark Blouse with a Skirt or Slacks
- Opaque Tights
- Closed Toe Shoes
- No Sparkles
- Subtle Patterns like Pinstripe, no bold patterns
- Covered Shoulders
- Natural Makeup
What Should A Man Wear To A Funeral?
Some of the same rules apply to men who attend a funeral as they do to women. First and foremost, remember why you are attending and then dress accordingly. Don’t draw attention to yourself, but do aim to look well put together.
Good choices for a man to wear to a funeral are:
- Black Suit with White Shirt
- Gray Suit with White Shirt
- Black Trousers or Fitted Black Jeans with a Blazer
- White Button-Down Shirt
- Black or Gray Necktie
- Sweater or Cardigan with a Dress Shirt
- Dark Dress Shoes Paired with Dark Socks
What Should Children Wear To Funerals?
The dress code for children at funerals is not as stiff as it is for adults. They can usually get a pass from dressing super formally.
If the funeral is a more casual affair, then jeans are appropriate as long as they are dark blue or black and have no rips or fading. This isn’t the time to be stylish with those ripped-up jeans. Paired with a white top and dark sweater, jeans will be fine.
Clean and newer sneakers are okay, especially if they are dark-colored. Pair them with dark socks for a crisp look.
When attending formal funerals, boys should wear black slacks and shoes with a white shirt. A black jacket or sweater over the top completes the outfit. Girls will look appropriate in black or dark dresses with dark tights and shoes.
Conclusion
Wearing black to funerals is a sign of respect for the deceased. Looking well put together shows the family of the deceased that you care enough to dress appropriately for their loved one.
When the deceased is your own family member, then your clothing selection signifies your love and honor. Beginning with the wearing of dark togas in the Roman Empire and continuing today, black funeral clothing can emit strong feelings of mourning.
Things to remember about what clothing you wear to a funeral include:
- Black and dark clothing pays respect to the deceased.
- The funeral isn’t your opportunity to make a fashion statement.
- Don’t draw attention to yourself.
- Breathe deeply and relax, knowing you are caring for the family by dressing appropriately.
