No one prepares you for the many steps involved in planning a funeral. The week between a loved one’s death and the memorial service passes in a blur. So this guide aims to show you what steps you can take beforehand. It also shows what to do if death has already occurred.
Step By Step Funeral Planning
Funeral and memorial services are integral to the grieving process. But most people have yet to experience planning a meaningful service, so you might not know what steps are required. This guide is a simple, straightforward way to take care of all funeral details from start to finish.
Since there are many scenarios, I’ll break funeral planning into sections. First, I’ll explain how to pre-plan a funeral and show you how prepaid services work. Next, you’ll find an area for planning a funeral after death occurs. And finally, I’ll give you a “How To Plan A Funeral Checklist.”
So keep reading to learn how to plan funeral arrangements.
How To Plan Your Own Funeral
Most funerals are planned after someone dies, but more and more people choose to plan their funerals themselves. This allows you to think about what is essential in how you are remembered.
How Long Does It Take To Pre-Plan A Funeral?
It takes a couple of hours to pre-plan your funeral with a preneed specialist. This person walks you through the funeral process. For example, you’ll make decisions regarding burial or cremation. You may even select a casket style or urn.
Next, you’ll decide what type of service to have.
- Funeral Service (body is present)
- Memorial Service (body not present, but urn might be)
- Celebration of Life (less-formal option focused on celebrating rather than mourning)
After this, note any words you’d like spoken or songs you’d like played. If there are other essential details, you can write them down too. Your instructions give your family a starting point for memorializing you. After your death, there won’t be questions about your desires.
And finally, in planning your funeral, you’ll decide whether you’d like to pre-fund it.
How Do Funeral Plans Work (Prepaid Funerals)?
Prepaid funerals work similarly to after-death planning. After your death, your family still meets with the funeral director to update death certificate information and finalize service plans.
However, a positive aspect of pre-planning and pre-funding your funeral is that costs remain the same as when you planned. Say, for example, you work with a pre-need specialist to outline your services. Then you pay for the entire funeral service.
If you die ten years later, your family doesn’t pay more, even though costs have likely risen. Instead, your funeral costs remain at the previous lower prices. So there could be considerable cost-savings.
What Are Prepaid Funeral Plans?
If you make prearrangements for your prepaid funeral, the monies go into an insurance policy. It works like life insurance, but the funeral home is the only beneficiary. You can either make one lump payment or monthly payments for your selected services.
Another option is purchasing a specific life insurance policy to cover funeral expenses. The benefit to this option is you assign who receives the money. Then your beneficiary can use it to pay for your funeral and any other costs. So if you incur medical expenses before death, this option could cover some of them.
Prepaid funeral plans offer you a way to pay for your funeral before you pass. They give you peace of mind that your family doesn’t need to absorb the cost.
Of course, you should check with your financial planner before taking this step. Since each case is different, a prepaid funeral plan may not be your best choice.
However, whether or not you pre-pay for your funeral services, meeting with a pre-need specialist is still beneficial. First, capture your desires on paper, so your family knows what you want. Then tell them where to locate the paperwork. Communication is key!
How To Plan A Funeral For A Parent Or Loved One Who Has Died
If you are planning a funeral for a parent or other loved one who has died, then the steps are the same as pre-planning for yourself. It will help if you know to choose burial or cremation. And, then, you’ll still have the essential service components to consider.
Here are the step-by-step motions for planning a funeral. The order of some steps overlaps, so it isn’t necessarily a chronological process.
1. Locate Any Prearrangements
If your loved one is ill, you may have time to locate any prearrangements before death. Ask your parent if they’ve made prearrangements or have a funeral home preference.
Once your loved one has passed, check filing cabinets or the safety deposit box to locate prearrangement paperwork. Don’t panic if you know the papers exist but can’t find them. Funeral homes keep thorough records so they will have a copy.
2. Choose A Funeral Home
Some families have strong feelings about which funeral home cares for their loved ones. Often, more than one generation goes to the same place after death. That makes your selection easy!
But if you haven’t already chosen a funeral home, ask for references. People will help you, depending upon the circumstances of death.
- Hospice nurses, doctors, or chaplains
- Hospital personnel
- The medical examiner’s office
- Your family pastor or priest
- Family, friend, and neighbor referrals
Once you’ve selected a funeral home, contact them to transport your loved one into their care. Often hospice or hospital personnel will make this call on your behalf.
3. Contact the Deceased’s Legal Representative (If Any)
Contact their legal representative if your loved one has estate planning on file. The representative may know about prearrangements, even if you don’t. Additionally, they can advise you of any available funding.
4. Notify Family And Friends
Even though you must notify family and friends of the death, it may feel overwhelming. Fortunately, you can assign this task to others. People want to help during this time.
So assign the word-spreading task about the death and the funeral service to one or two family members. It will relieve some of your pressure and help others feel included.
When planning for a future Celebration of Life, give the approximate date when notifying friends. Sometimes people need time to adjust work schedules, make flight arrangements, or make childcare provisions. Let them know you’ll share details and invitations as they are available.
Beyond family and friends, your funeral director will provide a list of professionals to notify of the death. This list includes, in small part, doctors, banks, life insurance providers, Veterans Administration, and magazine subscriptions.
5. Determine The Type Of Funeral Service
What kind of person was your loved one? Are they religious? Formal or super relaxed? These are some things to consider when determining the type of funeral service.
Here are the main questions to answer first.
- Will you select direct cremation, immediate burial, or a funeral service with cremation or burial?
- Do you want to have a viewing of the body? Public or private?
- Do you want to have your loved one embalmed?
- Will you select a funeral, memorial service, or Celebration of Life?
- Are there specific family traditions to follow?
- Will you hold a reception at the funeral home or elsewhere?
- What is your budget?
Once you answer these central questions, you’ll have a good outline to follow in planning the funeral from beginning to end. Even though there are many moving parts to memorial service planning, your funeral director will guide you.
Let people care for you during this difficult time. Hold a family meeting to get input and decide who will help pay for the funeral service. Because there’s no reason for you to shoulder the entire funeral planning process alone.
6. Select A Cemetery
You’ll select a cemetery for a full-body burial or a cremation urn interment. However, there is plenty of time later on to choose a headstone. So don’t worry about this detail for now. Your funeral director has a list of local cemeteries to aid your selection. They will also connect you with the cemetery personnel to purchase the plot, crypt, or urn niche.
Consider where to bury or spread the ashes if you plan for cremation. Did your loved one have a favorite outdoor area that would make a beautiful final resting place?
Of course, there are many alternatives to traditional burial. So consider a green burial if your loved one is eco-conscious.
7. Select Funeral And Memorial Products
In this step of planning a funeral from start to finish, you’ll select the casket and burial vault. Alternatively, you may choose a cremation container and urn for your loved one.
Just know that the cost of a casket does not equal the amount of love you hold for the deceased. Families think fancier means more honor, but it doesn’t. So choose the coffin you can afford, not the one that misplaced guilt tells you to buy.
Here are some other memorial products you may select.
- Memorial folders, guest books, and service programs
- Flower arrangements
- Memorial cremation jewelry, individual urns, or other keepsakes
8. Determine Service Details
Organizing music and speakers can comfort service attendees during this difficult time. So think about your loved one’s personality when making your selections.
Again, your funeral director will assist you with the service structure, so lean on family input for the personalization portion.
- Officiant: pastor, chapel, family member, or funeral director
- Hymns and songs
- Poems, scriptures, and readings
- Photographs to display and for a memorial video
- Speakers, in addition to the officiant
- Display items: collectibles, hobby items, and mementos
- Choose pallbearers, if applicable
- The formality level
Determining the formality level of the funeral service lets mourners know what type of clothing they should wear. For example, some families ask guests to wear a specific color to honor the deceased. Informing your guests of special clothing requests ahead of time helps everyone know what’s expected.
9. Write An Obituary
Death notices are simple two or three-line notifications of a person’s death. They are generally free of charge. And since they list the funeral home making preparations, people know who to call for service information.
If money is tight, then a newspaper death notice is all you need. However, you also have the option of paying for an obituary. Again, I know I keep repeating this, but your funeral director will guide you in writing and submitting an obituary.
My sisters and I wrote the obituaries for our mother and, later, for our father. We found it comforting to think about the beautiful aspects of their lives. Deciding what to share and which picture to print was a labor of love. It bonded us together during this challenging time.
How To Plan A Funeral Checklist
If your family plans a Celebration of Life, this checklist will lead you through the process. Of course, many steps are the same for funeral and memorial service planning. But here is a funeral checklist. Please print it out to easily track your actions.
How Long Does It Take To Plan A Funeral?
It takes 1-2 weeks to plan a funeral. Of course, you can plan more quickly if your loved one leaves behind clear service instructions. But you can also feel free to delay the process by scheduling a future Celebration of Life.
Conclusion
Each funeral is unique, even though the basic structure is the same. Mourning, and even celebrating, your loved one is special. So I hope this guide in learning how to plan a funeral helps you and your family navigate the process.
As a former funeral director, I can say that guiding families in honoring their loved ones felt special each time. Your director wants to assist you. Plus they have all the experience. So let them do the job your family is paying for. And in that way, you can focus on the personalization portions.
Here are the main funeral planning steps.
- Locate Any Prearrangements
- Choose A Funeral Home
- Contact the Deceased’s Legal Representative (If Any)
- Notify Family And Friends
- Determine The Type Of Funeral Service
- Select Funeral And Memorial Products
- Determine Service Details
- Write An Obituary
The immediate time after your loved one’s death is so difficult. And I’m sorry for your loss. Hopefully, this guide to how to plan a funeral step-by-step helps ease your heavy load.
