A headstone marks the passage of a soul. Even though it’s made of stone, it’s so much more than that. Grave markers provide a place for the bereaved to seek closeness to their loved ones. They give peace to those who trace the letters inscribed upon them. And they remind us how dearly beloved our ancestors were.
What Is a Headstone?
A headstone is a slab, usually stone, that is placed on a grave closest to the deceased’s head. It has the name and birth/death dates of the deceased inscribed on it. Sometimes a verse or epitaph, along with a photo is also displayed. Let’s delve into all things headstone: inscriptions, shapes, and how long it takes to have one made.
Tombstone vs Headstone vs Gravestone
Originally, tombstones were the heavy stone lids of coffins. Gravestones then were large stone slabs that were laid over the entire grave.
Today, we primarily use the terms headstone or marker. But the words tombstone and gravestone are still used too. All four are somewhat interchangeable in describing today’s identification stones.
Similar to rock cairns used throughout history to mark graves, gravestones were likely used, in part, to discourage animals from digging up the deceased. They may also have thwarted human grave robbers as well.
Another historical reason we put stones on graves was to “keep the soul” from rising up to torment the living. The gravestone or rock cairn was thought to keep the soul of the deceased in its grave, “where it belonged”.
Inscriptions on Headstones: Etiquette
Today, the most common inscriptions put on a headstone are straightforward details, like name, date of birth, and date of death. But that doesn’t mean you are limited to only the basics.
Think about whether or not you would like to incorporate a picture of your loved one. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for input on the wording or graphics you may want to add. Your funeral director or cemetery manager can help with ideas.
For a husband and wife who share a headstone, you often find terms of endearment like:
- Beloved Mom and Dad
- Parents of “Name” and “Name”
- Together Forever
The loss of a child comes with its own sadness. But memorials for these young lives are designed to comfort those left behind. Inscriptions such as these may offer peace.
- Precious Angel
- Beloved Son and Brother or Daughter and Sister
- An angel visited earth and took a flower away.
- I’ll see you on the other side of the stars.
There are many verses and sayings for memorializing your loved one. I feel confident that you and your family will select the perfect inscription.
Read: Headstone for Mother: 75 Beautiful Epitaphs & Quotes
Historic Inscriptions on a Headstone
Natchez, Mississippi has a famous historic cemetery, made popular by author Greg Isles and his novel about the Turning Angel memorial.
While the Turning Angel is indeed beautiful, another memorial spoke volumes to me. It was the burial site of a 2-year boy who died in 1834. His inscription reads:
As a son, brother, friend
Beloved
Will your memory ever be
green
In our hearts, and long will
Your premature departure,
Draw a sign from those who
Love.
Leaves have their time to
Fall and flowers to wither at
The north wind’s breath:
And stars to set, but oh!
Thou hast all seasons for
Thine own
O! Death.
Headstone Symbols and Meanings
Author Tui Snider is a current author who specializes in historic cemeteries and tombstone symbolism. Honestly, she’s a woman after my own heart, since you can find me in historic cemeteries wherever I travel!
Snider’s book, Understanding Cemetery Symbols: A Field Guide for Historic Graveyards, categorizes the meaning behind the symbols and architecture found in America’s historic cemeteries. Here are some meanings of symbols you may see:
- Angel of Grief or Weeping Angel: Sorrow
- Arch: Rejoined with partner in Heaven
- Cherub: Divine wisdom or justice
- Cross, Anchor, and Bible: Trials, victory, and reward
- Garland: Victory over death
- IHS: A Greek abbreviation of “Iesus Hominum Salvator” (“Jesus, savior of mankind”); Commonly indicates the Roman Catholic faith
- Orb topping a tombstone: Celestial body & resurrection
- Peacock: Eternal life
- Pillow: A deathbed, eternal sleep
- Tree stumps or stacked logs: Association with the Fraternal Organization, Woodmen of the World. Sawed-off limbs represent a life cut short.
- Tree trunk: The beauty of life
- Triangle: Truth, equality, and the trinity
Notice the varied symbolism of each of these designs. You may want to incorporate one of them into a memorial marker for your own loved one.
Headstone Shapes: What’s the Most Common?
Today’s headstones are generally rectangle-shaped with a slight curve to the top. They are easily mass-produced and are often formed from marble or granite. The availability of color choice in granite makes it a great choice for memorial markers.
Check with your funeral director regarding the cemetery where your loved one will be placed to learn more about your options. He or she works directly with cemetery personnel to care for your family.
Read: Double Headstones For Married Couples
How Long Does It Take To Get a Headstone?
On average, it takes between 6 to 8 weeks to get a headstone made and installed on your loved one’s grave. If you select a standard marker, the time may be as short as 3 to 4 weeks. However, if you choose a custom marker there could be a processing time of up to 10 weeks.
The process is straightforward, however.
- Design the headstone with your funeral director (or headstone manufacturer).
- Receive a mockup of the design.
- Approve the design.
- Your headstone goes into the production queue.
- After creation, your headstone is sent to the cemetery for installation.
Why Do People Put Stones On Graves?
People put stones or small rocks on graves to show that they have visited. It’s a way of showing others that the person is still loved and cared for. A small token of visible love, so to speak.
The stones can indicate that your love for the deceased is as strong and solid as a rock. Some also say leaving a stone is a way to show that the deceased walks with God: “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer”, Psalm 18:2.
For Jews, the custom began in Biblical times. A shepherd often carried a pouch with small stones for each head of the sheep he watched over. In that way, he could easily remember the number of his herd.
Jews place stones on the grave as a way of asking God to keep their loved ones in His herd. It’s a way of praying for the everlasting soul of the deceased.
Related: How to Clean a Bronze Headstone
Upright Markers and Flat Markers
Older headstones were elaborately decorated, with fanciful details carved into the stone. Angels and roses were a common theme in the late 1800s.
Families shared large burial plots where they often gathered for picnics. Sunday afternoons found many families at the cemetery, enjoying the company of the living and of the deceased.
In addition to camaraderie, the families also spent a few minutes cleaning the area around their plot. They would pull weeds or trim the grass.
Unfortunately, most of today’s cemeteries have strict guidelines for the kinds of markers allowed. Many cemeteries only allow flat markers to make it easier for lawn mowing. Others allow standing headstones, but they limit the size and shape.
Someone decided that cemeteries look nicer when the headstones are all of similar size and proportion. I disagree with that thinking, as I prefer older beautiful, funerary artwork that truly memorialized people as individuals. However, for ease of lawn maintenance, I do understand the desire for standardized stones.
Can You Preorder a Headstone?
Yes, you can preorder a headstone. Preordering your own headstone means that you get exactly what you want. There is no guessing game for your family about what you may want it to say.
Preordering also means that you pay today’s price, rather than the potentially higher price at the time of your death. So both of these are good reasons to preorder your own memorial marker.
However, it’s worth pondering why you want to take this step. Are you trying to save your family angst? Because I’ve seen families gain comfort from choosing a memorial. Family members work together to create a design that they feel at peace with. After all, they are the ones who’ll be visiting it.
If you want to preorder a headstone to save your family money at the time of your death, then perhaps think about designating a specific amount in your will instead. By specifying and funding an amount, your family can still understand the importance of this memorial to you.
Finally, consider where you will store this preordered headstone. Will you feel a twinge of sorrow each time you see it in the garage? Or will it give you comfort knowing you’ve provided this detail for your family?
Yes, you can preorder a headstone, but only you know if that’s a good decision to do so.
Related: How to Clean a Granite Headstone
Conclusion
Headstones provide identification for a loved one’s gravesite. But like we’ve seen, they also provide a place for us to go to celebrate with and mourn for our departed.
- Select a marker based on the cemetery requirements.
- Choose an inscription, picture, or graphics to best honor your loved one.
- Visit the gravesite and leave a pebble to show your love.
It’s great to learn that headstones could be customized to meet your loved one’s design preferences. My friend wants to help his uncle plan for his funeral so that they won’t have to worry about anything if something happens to him. We should probably find a monument contractor that can do this for him if he’s interested.
My parents told me they’re interested in pre-planning their funerals next month, so they’re making a list of all the things they’ll need to take care of. I’m glad you talked about preordering a headstone and how it helps you save money and get the exact design you want, so I’m sure that my parents would be interested in reading this now. Thank you for the intake on headstones and how they’d be preordered to avoid higher prices in the future.